What People Deserve
by Azure K Mello
Summary: After getting his car back Jess realizes he needs to go back to Stars Hollow. He only intends to slip in and out but gets caught by Luke. A conversation Jess doesn't actually want to have puts things into perspective for Luke. Set during Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel.


What People Deserve

After getting his car back Jess realizes he needs to go back to Stars Hollow. He only intends to slip in and out but gets caught by Luke. A conversation Jess doesn't actually want to have puts things into perspective for Luke. Set during Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel.

He was fifteen miles outside of town when he realized he didn't have his Clash t-shirt. He'd avoided Stars Hollow for nine months. For nine months, he'd wanted the t-shirt. He missed it. And now, he pulled off to the side and breathed out slowly. It pained him. But he turned the car around drove back. Hopefully, it would be late enough that Luke would be asleep.

If he was very lucky, Luke would sleep through it. His shirt was under his bed. In his mind's eye he could see it. If he was really going to wash his hands of this place, once and for all, he had to go get it. He thought of the angry words with Luke, of Lorelai's bitchiness, of his mother's grating voice, of the way T.J. made his skin crawl, of the surprised look on Rory's face when he'd finally said what he should have said nine months ago. He was so ready to put that place, that life, in the rear-view mirror but he wanted his shirt.

Gypsy did a good job on the car, it wasn't squeaking, banging or spluttering as he drove into town. There were still lights on even though it was too late for the diner to be open. Maybe Luke had changed his hours. Jess went around back and opened the delivery door with the hidden key. He went up the stairs as quietly as possible but heard a squeaky board under his feet. Wincing, he slipped into the apartment. He heard the steps on the stairs and moved fast.

"Jess," said Luke sharply.

"I will be gone in two minutes," he promised. He reached under the bed.

"Jess, please," Luke said.

"I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass," said Jess. The shirt was far under the bed and he couldn't simply reach for it. "I gotta go, Luke, I've got my car, I'm going back to the city to grab my stuff and then I'm going to Philly. There's a small publishing company… I got a job. I was saving money for a train ticket, now I've got my car. I told the guys I'd be in Philly by tomorrow night and I gotta get back to the city to pack up and pay my last rent check to my roommates."

"Stay the night," said Luke, looking worn-out, "leave when I open the diner."

Jess shook his head, "I want to sleep on my own sheets. I'll pay you back for the car." He crawled under the bed and grabbed out two shirts: the Clash and Joy Division. He had forgotten he'd owned the Joy Division shirt. It was a nice little surprise.

"I broke your car, Jess. Legally and morally, it was my job to pay for your car. Call me when you settle into Philadelphia?"

Jess shook his head, "I don't know where I'm staying. I can give you the address of Truncheon, the publishing house." He went to the phone and wrote down the address and number on the pad next to the phone. "I'll get a cell phone when I have some free money. Truncheon has phone if you need me."

Sighing heavily, visibly irritated, his uncle said, "We gotta talk."

"We don't," said Jess, "I promise." He went to the door and said, "Thanks for everything, Luke, honestly." He almost sprinted to the landing.

"Liz needs to get away from that moron," said Luke, catching his wrist.

Jess swallowed. He sort of wanted to punch his uncle. But Luke was the best person he knew and he really didn't want to be the one to punch him, "No, no, she's fine."

"For God's sake, Jess: that guy is stupid."

Jess breathed out slowly. "Does he hit her?"

"No," said Luke.

"Does he give her drugs?" he asked.

"No," said Luke.

"Does he even shout?" asked Jess.

"No," said Luke.

"Then what the hell do you want, Luke?" asked Jess.

"I just think she should aim higher and you should want more for her," said Luke. "Settling for someone who doesn't hit her isn't enough. And I think if we talk to her together-"

"Luke, Liz does what Liz wants to do. She doesn't listen. You think we sit her down and we make a difference? I begged her, Luke, so many times I begged her," he knew his voice was getting louder. He knew he was getting close to a shout. He knew he would be shouting by the time he was done but his higher thought process was turned off. "I begged her to dump the guy who broke my arm. I begged her to dump the guy who offered her cocaine if she gave him a blowjob in front of me — she picked the blowjob and the coke. I begged her to dump the pedophile. And when she wouldn't listen to me — when she wouldn't dump the guy who was touching her son — I went to the cops at the age of nine and they arrested him after raiding his apartment and finding pictures of me and quite a few others. And then Liz beat me for getting her boyfriend arrested. What do you think is going to happen when you say her boyfriend is dumb? How does that impact anything? She didn't listen to her six-year-old who had a broken arm. She didn't listen to her eight-year-old who didn't want to see her suck a cock. She didn't listen to her nine-year-old who was being molested. She's not going to listen to you. And as for aiming higher? Who do you think your sister is? She's a drug addict, drunk who burned out what brains she had. Why do you think she's too good for a dumb guy who treats her nicely? She says she got clean for him. She didn't get clean for me, Luke. I begged her for that too. When I was seventeen, and I begged one last time that she got clean, she shipped me off to you. She got clean for him, sounds like a catch. You want to tell her to leave him, you do it. Leave me out of it."

He shook his head, "If you tell her to break up with him, when they break up — which they will — she'll get loaded, call and scream at you. She'll say it's your fault. If you want to relive my childhood, go live with her so that when he dumps her she can beat you up at two in the morning when she's blasted. And, just like me at the age of seventeen, you'll think, 'I could break you so easily,' but you won't hit her back because some part of you will both love and pity her. Of course, she can't use her trump card on you: she can't say she wishes she had you aborted."

He licked his lips, looking at Luke. He felt tired, it wasn't that he was less angry; he'd dimply run out of steam. The man looked devastated and Jess didn't want that. He said, "You were the most stable person in my life. Leave this alone, it does nothing but break your heart."

"I'm sorry I stole your car, and that I let it fall into such disrepair."

"It's okay, Luke, you were doing what you thought was right. You've always done your best for me. Honestly, if you ever worry: you never did anything but right by me."

"I should have been there for you when you were younger."

"You were twenty-two when I was born, Luke, it wasn't your responsibility to be there. And I'm sure you watched Lorelai and thought Liz was doing the same stuff. But Lorelai could handle being a mom at sixteen, Liz was too young at nineteen. It's not your fault. You must have watched Lorelai being a stellar mom to a stellar little princess and thought that's how it works." He really wanted to make Luke feel better. So, he added, "When I was your responsibility you really stepped up. You weren't the problem this tiny, backwards mean-minded town was the problem. The minute I came in with a leather jacket and good hair I was branded as a bad boy. I didn't take money from Doose's but no one believed me. And I was not a bad boyfriend, I was not demon spawn. I wasn't a great boyfriend but it takes two people to have a relationship that toxic. We both deserved better than the way we treated each other. But I got all the blame — all of it. Rory felt guilty for cheating on that misogynistic idiot she called a boyfriend and she took it out on me after they broke up and we were together. I'm not Dean and Lorelai hated me for it. I never took Rory's bracelet, she was so positive I stole it. I'm nothing like Dean, for one thing, I never expected Rory to hang on my every word or spend every free minute with me and I actually respected her brain instead of how blue her eyes are and treated her like an interesting, fully formed person instead of a princess. And this whole town, over one thousand people, took her side instead of mine because this freak show of a village pays way too much attention to the romances of high schoolers and hates outsiders. I can hear the banjos. When you see Rory, say I'm sorry."

"What happened with Rory?" asked Luke.

"Told her I love her. It's true but it's too little, too late." He sighed and laughed, remembering that day with Paris, "'I want to be good; life's just not letting me.'" He held up his shirts, "I just wanted these. I'm out."

"Wait," said Luke, he pulled Jess into a brief hug. Jess hugged him back. It was true, Luke had been like a parent to him, far more than Liz or Jimmy, who Jess had only stay with for a couple of months. Luke was willing to go to bat for him, willing to expand his apartment for him, willing to steal Jess' car from him. His uncle had stepped up to the plate and kept swinging, long after the game was lost. "Let me know when you get a number?"

"Sure," agreed Jess.

"Grab some doughnuts for the road, not the chocolate glazed because those are stale, but anything else." Jess nodded. Luke went back into the apartment as Jess went down the stairs.

He'd forgotten that the diner was still open. He hadn't thought about the fact that he'd been shouting. Even if he hadn't been shouting, sound carried and there was only a curtain between the landing of the stairs and the dining room. The diner, filled with half of Stars Hollow as always, was silent when he entered from behind the curtain. They had heard everything—from the broken arm and blowjob to pedophilia, from Liz's alcohol and abuse to Luke's love, from his hatred of this horrible, stupid little town to his love for Rory.

He'd often wondered if any part of him cared about this place. He'd thought that there might be a slight possibility of his giving half a damn about what these people thought. But now, he knew — without a shadow of a doubt — he couldn't possibly care less. He didn't care that Kirk's mouth was hanging open or even that Lorelai was standing by the counter. Looking at them, he just didn't care about their opinions.

Lorelai opened her mouth and he said, "Please, don't, Lorelai. I'm out of here in two minutes." He had no interest in hearing anything she wanted to say. He got a paper bag and added five doughnuts with sprinkles. He poured himself a coffee and saw Taylor, who had a smug look in his eyes. "Taylor, have you ever considered getting a tape-recorder? You love other people's problems. You thrive on other's misery. You could record everything and jerk off to it later, instead of trying to remember other people's sadness word for word." He put a lid on his coffee and headed back through the curtain to the delivery door. It was time to put this Podunk little town behind him.


End file.
